


a lot of things i regret (but i just say i forget)

by chocolatecarstairs



Category: Outer Banks (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Feelings, Like LOTS of feelings, Recreational Drug Use, Underage Drinking, everybody is emotional, like a lot, no seriously angst, post season one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:08:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24335629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chocolatecarstairs/pseuds/chocolatecarstairs
Summary: "i said you should go.""jj, i am not leaving you here like this."_the one where kiara keeps texting jj to hang out but he's avoiding her and coming up with excuses. and it's a thousand times harder to keep the group together without john b there, because no matter what he was their north star. so finally kie has had enough.
Relationships: JJ/Kiara (Outer Banks)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 107





	a lot of things i regret (but i just say i forget)

**Author's Note:**

> so this started as a little thing i wrote in my twitter dms and the gc loved it, so i decided to write it out and bring it on here. it's a little different, bc it started as more of a scene i wanted to happen than an actual story. i kept it mostly that way bc it sounded better.  
> BASICALLY, i have this whole jiara storyline playing out in my head for how i'd like season 2 to go and this is the climax/culmination that would lead to season 3  
> a little backstory that isn't necessary to understand the story but i like to think would happen prior to this- jj and kie have gotten very close since the whole john b mess. jj obviously had a MASSIVE crush on kie prior to her kook year but since she came back he hasn't really let himself feel that way for her. obviously w his best friend gone this all changed. once jj realizes his feelings for kie he starts avoiding her. he could never do anything about it since his best friend was so into her, even if they didn't work out. he'd never risk losing pope, esp after he lost john . and he couldn't risk losing kie either, even if he couldn't have her the way he wanted her. so he avoids her. no one-on-one hangs at the chateau, no smoking just the two of them, he'll only hangout w her if pope is there too. but after kie and pope ended their thing pope was hesitant to hang out w kie for a while, he just needed some space ya know? kiara keeps texting jj to hang out but he's avoiding her and coming up w excuses. and it's 1000 times harder to keep the group together without john b there, bc no matter what he was their north star. so finally kie has had enough, and that's where this scene starts...  
> title is from good news by mac miller, who i miss very very much  
> this is also only one scenario that i have, i have another one too that i'll probably write at some point but yeah, that's it pls enjoy !

Kie storms up to the Chateau, pounding on the door. It has been days since she heard from JJ and she’s had enough already. They’d been spending every waking hour together since John B’s disappearance and suddenly, he just vanished. She’s tired of giving him space, tired of letting him fall apart while she tries to hold herself together. If JJ is going to be an asshole, she is going to figure out why.

“JJ,” she yells as she beats her fist against the door once more. “JJ, I know you’re in there! Let me in!”

JJ wishes desperately that he could pretend he wasn’t there, just long enough for Kiara to go home. But he’s been smoking for hours and the smell of weed has to be pungent even outside the house. Besides, he’d left every light in the Chateau on and the speaker that John B had left is blaring music. There is no hiding from Kie.

Kiara is losing patience as she continues to knock on the door. “JJ, I swear to _God_ if you don’t open this fucking door-”

Before she can finish her threat the door swings open to reveal JJ, looking, well, not good. His hair is a mess, his eyes red and glassy, he has a beer in his hand and a joint between his fingers and from the look on his face Kie knows that neither is his first of the night. She peers behind him to find empty bottles of beer littering the floor and coffee table in the living room. _God_ , she thinks, _how long has he been at this today?_

“Hey, Kie,” he slurs, giving her a lopsided grin. “Watcha doin’ here?”

It takes Kiara a moment to collect herself, to hide her shock at how obviously messed up JJ is, but she does it eventually. Her voice is soft when she speaks. “I just came to check on you. I haven’t heard from you in ages.”

JJ laughs and turns around, allowing Kiara to follow him inside. He heads towards the fridge, grabbing two beers and offering one to Kie. “Want a drink.”

She accepts it but doesn’t take a sip. Instead she takes a seat in Big John’s busted old armchair, picking at the label on her beer and avoiding eye contact with JJ. 

“Where have you been JJ? I’ve been calling and texting you like crazy. Even Pope is starting to get worried about you. Neither of us has heard from you in ages.”

JJ plops down on the couch across from her and laughs. “Maybe that was my master plan. I disappear long enough that you two start talking again and BAM you guys start making out like nothing ever happened. Are you two lovebirds back together again or what?”

Kie sighs and finally looks up at him. “No, JJ, we’re not. Look, I never should’ve kissed him that day. I don’t know what I was thinking. I guess my emotions were just all over the place because we’d just been attacked and Rafe choked me and John B had just left and I didn’t know if I’d ever see him again.” 

She takes a deep breath, calming her self before continuing. “And then after, when we thought John B and Sarah were dead,” she trails off for a moment. “I don’t know! I guess I just needed some comfort. And Pope was there and he was offering. And I _know_ I shouldn’t have taken advantage of him like that and that it was wrong of me, but it was nice to be distracted for a while. But I knew I couldn’t let it go on very long and I had to cut it off before we took it too far.”

JJ is sitting on the couch staring at her stonily, his jaw tight. Kie is visibly upset as she glances up at him briefly, then returns her attention to the label on her beer bottle. “I felt like shit. I really did. Pope is one of my best friends and I treated him like shit. But he was actually … really sweet about it. I explained it to him and I was a mess, crying and everything - you know how much I hate crying,” she chuckles dryly. “He said it was okay and he’d forgive me eventually but he asked me to give him a little time to process and get over it. So I did.”

JJ is still silent as he stares at Kie, her eyes still focused on her hands and her voice tight as she speaks. “I’m sorry that I did that. I know you need to have Pope around right now, with John B not here and dealing with all of this. I’m sorry I upset him and made him go MIA these past few weeks, I really am. But I’ve just been trying to be here for you while Popes taking his own time. JJ you’re obviously going through something really intense right now. I just want to be there for you.”

Now JJ is the one who’s picking at his beer label. He won’t meet her eyes. “Kie, it’s fine. You should go.”

Kie scoffs. “What?”

“I said you should go.”

“JJ, I am not leaving you here like this,” Kie motions towards the mess of beer cans in the room and the ashtray on the table overflowing with the burnt-out ends of JJ's joints.

JJ stands up and heads towards the door, hoping that would be enough indication to Kie that he wasn’t kidding.

‘Why won’t you let me help you through this?” Kie yells as she shoots up from her seat, arms crossed and staring at JJ with a mix of hurt and anger. “I’m your _friend_ , JJ! We need each other right now and you’re just kicking me out?”

“Kie-”

“No,” she stands her ground. “I’m not leaving until you tell me why!”

“Because I’m in love with you!” JJ explodes from across the room. “I’m in love with you! Is that what you want to hear? I’m so fucking _pathetically_ in love with you that even though I should be here drinking away my pain at the fact that my best friend is _stranded_ in the _Bahamas_ and I may never see him again, I’m here drinking because I know I can never have you! Are you happy? Huh, Kie? _Does my pain make you happy?_ ”

It’s silent for a long moment as they stare at each other. JJ’s chest is heaving and Kiara’s face is a mixture of shock and grief.

“I- why didn’t you tell me?” Kie asks, finally breaking the silence.

JJ’s eyebrows shoot up, confused. “Huh?”

“Why the hell didn’t you tell me? All these years and you didn’t think that maybe I deserved to _know_ ?” Kiara explodes. “I mean, God JJ, I know you flirted with me all the time, but you flirted with _everyone_! Even Pope! Why the hell wouldn’t you just tell me? If you told me I would’ve done everything so differently!”

“Done everything differently?” JJ has literally never looked smaller than he does right now. “What does that even mean?”  
“God,” Kie sighs. “Pope, John B, no pogue on pogue macking. JJ, I’ve had a crush on you since the seventh fucking grade! Why wouldn’t you just tell me?”

“You had a crush on me?” JJ asks softly, his eyes wide.

“Of course I did stupid,” she sighs, a slight smile tugging at her lips. “I couldn’t help it. You pulled on my braids and you paid extra attention to me and out of all the boys you were the funniest but also the sweetest. I couldn’t help it. But then I went to the Kook Academy, and I missed you so fucking much. You were my best friend and I’d left you and I _hated_ myself for it. And when I came back things were … different? You weren’t pulling my hair anymore and it took a long time to get back to the sweet JJ I’d known before. But you did and damn it if I didn’t love it. But I thought you wanted to nothin to do with me and first, and then you were hooking up with every touron at the boneyard and I figured you obviously weren’t into me. So I tried to move on. Why didn’t you just tell me? We could’ve had so much lost time.”

JJ is silent, shell shocked, as Kie waits for him to respond.

“JJ, say something, please.”

“Kie, you need to go.”

“I- what? Go?” Kie takes a step back, feeling like she’s been punched in the gut. “Why, JJ? We need to talk about this.”

“No Kie, no. We don’t! We’re never gonna talk about it _ever_ !” JJ runs his hands roughly through his hair. “Don’t you get it? _No pogue on pogue macking!_ That rule is there for a fucking reason! You chose John B and that didn’t work out and it was fine, because neither of you had really been into it in the first place. But then you went after Pope! And he was in love with you! _Love, Kie!_ And you broke his heart. And you think after all that we can just what? _Date? Hook up?_ How would that even _work_? It can’t, Kie, it can’t! Pope is my friend! John B is my friend! And I was fine sitting around pretending that I wasn’t in love with you so that I wouldn’t lose you and I wouldn’t lose them. So we’re gonna go back to that now. Because I can’t lose them, Kie, _I can’t._ ”

JJ’s face crumples from angry to broken in a second. Kie is looking at him from across the room with tears in her eyes that are threatening to spill down her cheeks.

“JJ, I-” Kiara’s voice cracks as she tries to get the words out, but JJ won’t let her finish.

“You know what, Kie? _Fine_. If you won’t leave then I will.”

He storms out of the Chateau into the night, leaving Kiara crying in the middle of John B’s living room.

_**End scene.** _

**Author's Note:**

> i am so sorry for this one... but in my mind they get together at some point in season 3, sooo its still a jiara endgame. this is just the angst before we get there :)  
> let me know if you want to see the other scenario i had in mind, as always thanks for reading let me know what you think


End file.
